Life's too short to even care at all

Bare with me here..

So i’m on the HCG diet and so far i’ve lost about 9 pounds, I work out twice a day and eat alot of lean chicken and veggies and fruit, but yesterday was really bad. I woke up and biked only 4 miles because the night before I went on a 3 mile run so I was a little tired, after I biked, I took a shower, ate and apple and made my way to the mall. The mall has never ever felt so large to me, it felt never ending, like I would never make it to nordstroms at all. All I had eaten in 19 hours was an apple. My legs are like jello and ankles feel painful to walk on, like I’m so weak and carb deficient, I couldn’t even spend a full two hours at the mall. I felt really sick so I sat down and put my head on a table and blacked out in the middle of the mall. I FUCKING PASSED OUT. I love this weight loss, and I’m eating very minimal and I shouldnt be working out, but I am. I’m losing up to two pounds a day and I feel like I’m becoming obssessed with it. People tell me they would rather be fit and healthy than skinny and hungry but coming from someone who has major body image issues, depression and is completely borderline, no one knows how satisfying this weight loss feels. and before I get chewed out, I worked out for a year and was fit but I gained 10 pounds doing so, I dont want to weight more, I want to weigh less. I love this look but i’m starving. I won’t give up because I’m challenging anyone and everyone who has told me it doesn’t work. It does work and I will prove it.

i’ve become obssessed and I don’t want to stop. All I want is food.